Keeping My Damn Mouth Shut

In my opinion, part of the reason we have the “Mommy Wars” in the first place is because we’re all so freaking insecure about our parenting choices (the main reason is the patriarchy but I do not have time to delve into the patriarchy, plus it’s Friday and I’m all worn out from wanting to scream and vomit from reading the NotAllMen blah blah BULLSHIT and I’m tired so I’m focusing on this).

They actually are kinda my thing but I’m sparing you today

In the short time that I’ve been a parent, I’ve been offered a ton of advice, most of it astonishingly bad. I’m not trying to say that I’m some paradigm of wisdom or anything but I do my best to stay on top of recent research and pediatrician recommendations, etc. I get that some people had their babies, like, 30 years ago, but still. No I will not be putting my child down with a fuzzy blanket draped over her. No I will not be having her cry it out at one month old. No I will not feed her solids at two months.

Not really though.

I have to bite my tongue a lot, which does NOT come naturally to me. And I shouldn’t misrepresent that I follow all of the guidelines to a T. We probably did cry it out a wee bit early (almost 4 months, rather than 4 months or later). I do (gasp!) use powder on Ellie’s bum when I’m diapering her for the night. I did place her on her stomach, laying on my chest during the first weeks and fell asleep with her there. And I’m comfortable with all of these things, obviously, or I wouldn’t do them. So I try to remember that MY things are going to be different from someone ELSE’S things, and keep my mouth shut accordingly.


There’s a woman who I’m Facebook friends with who had a baby a week after me. I’m not actually friends with her – she’s the wife of a former co-worker of Tammy’s – and I find her insufferable. I posted a few times before we did sleep training, lamenting Ellie’s poor sleep. She commented a few times with things like “you’ll have to have baby [her son’s name] over for a play date so he can teach your daughter how to sleep! LOL!” And she posts status with the hours her child sleeps. “Baby [name] slept 10:30-8:15 last night! Love my little man!” “Baby [name] slept 9:00-4:30 last night! My lil man is such a good sleeper!”

Don't test me.

Yes I will.

So is it wrong that I get a strong superiority complex when I look at her postings on sleep training (that she did when her son was three weeks old) or his first time eating purees (when he was three months old)? And did I mention that this woman is a doctor? No, she’s not a pediatrician (she’s doing her residency in psychiatry), but wouldn’t a doctor listen to the recommendations of other doctors? And don’t they do some kind of rotation or learn some kind of basics of general medicine, which would include pediatrics?

judging you

13 thoughts on “Keeping My Damn Mouth Shut

    • Yes, and I love it! I read a parenting forum that sometimes devolves into people calling each other child abusers over things like sleep training vs. co-sleeping, formula feeding vs. breastfeeding, etc. I want to stop reading it but I’ve actually gotten some really good information from the forum so….

      I just wish people would stop attacking each other! Unless something is truly dangerous (like not putting your child in a car seat or something) we would all do better to perfect our poker face as we silently judge, rather than voicing our opinions. Ugh!

    • I HATE that “good baby” bs. HATE. I regularly bit heads off about that during the babyhood of my son, who was (and is) a lousy sleeper and a very good baby. No doubt better, even, than those babies whose parents have nothing to praise but their boring sleep habits 😉

  1. Amen, sister. We fall squarely into the accidentally-started-cosleeping camp, and I never, ever talk about it because I don’t want to hear 1) we’re going to smother him, 2) he’ll never sleep on his own, or 3) we’re going to regret it later.

    Bitches, PLEASE. I need to sleep. Husband needs to sleep. Baby needs to sleep. And that’s what works, so isn’t sleeping well all that matters?

    And everyone and their mother keeps trying to put blankets on him, even when he’s awake!

    • I fall firmly in the camp of whatever works and gets everyone the most sleep. For the first few weeks that meant sleeping on the couch with Ellie next to me in a rock n play or with her on her tummy, on my chest. Now it means Ellie in her crib in her own room post sleep training. Whatever works, my friend. Whatever works.

  2. YES, they do do a rotation in most areas, and I’m shocked that a resident would be so ill-informed. It horrifies me that she “sleep trained” her 3 week old. I’m pretty sure that’s just called neglect at that tiny age. Yeah, I’m totally judging her and I shouldn’t, but I feel like she’ opened up that door by bragging about it on FB.

    I suggest putting this insufferable idiot on “hide” on your feed. I had to do that with a mom on my feed – sounds like she and your “friend” were cut from the same cloth.

    • Yeah I really should hide her. But I sometimes need a good hate read, you know? When I get in those moods I like to toodle over to the National Organization for Marriage FB page. Nothing like a good cleansing rage.

      (Kidding. Kind of. I probably should hide her.)

      • Hate-reading is my favorite. There’s this idiot I’ve known since kindergarten who I cannot stand, but I can’t bring myself to unfriend because they’re that stupid. I love it.

  3. She sounds like a real pleasure to know, all around. I am petty, so if probably be tempted to say something about how I read something once linking short sleep in infancy to high IQ. (Okay, where I read this was a personal, purely speculative email of consolation from another mother of a lousy sleeper, but hey, no need to cite, right?) Or just take a screen shot and save it for the teen years. Maybe some kids peak early….

    • Does it make me a bad person that I’m very much looking forward to her kid teething? Like, rubbing-hands-together-with-glee looking forward to.

  4. who the hell is giving you all this crazy advice!? sometimes I wish someone would give me some damn advice – i’ve gotten nothing and sometimes feel like Im floating in no-mans-land. where’s the owners manual!?!?

    • Maybe it’s me! I seem to be a magnet for whackadoodles with bad advice. People will literally come up to me on the street and start yapping about this and that. Although, come to think of it, I’ve always seemed to attract the “do you know Jesus as your personal savior” types as well so maybe it really IS me.

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