Ahoy, you Dumb Ovaries!

It was definitely negative. The Hope Monster had crept back into my brain, telling me I was a late implanter! That was going to have a healthy pregnancy! With TWINS! but of course, I wasn’t, and I’m not.

Tammy and I spoke with the doctor this afternoon, and we have decided to move forward with IVF. As the doctor said, I should be pregnant by now and they aren’t sure why I’m not. She also told me I shouldn’t waste my money on another IUI cycle. Can’t get clearer than that.

As for the timing, she’s having to check to see if we can move ahead with this month, due to our committment April 25-26th. She does want to put me on birth control for 2-3 weeks, and 3 weeks might be pushing it, especially if my period decides to stay away for a few days. But IF my period starts by Wednesday, and IF she thinks less time on BC might be OK, we’re moving full steam ahead with IVF. Or, as my fertility nurse put it, “we’re going to really blast your eggs”. Blast away, matey!

Ship Battle

(Artistic rendering of my reproductive organs in a few weeks. Not to scale.)

Metaphors for Life

We were supposed to get snow yesterday. Everyone in the city was excitedly freaking out about it, making their little plans, filling up their gas tank, and buying the requisite milk, bread and toilet paper from Giant or Safeway.We haven’t had more than an inch in over two years, so people thought this was IT! The Big One! Finally our snow deficit would be filled!

Every single weather station in town was predicting at least a few inches, and most predicted upward of that. Maybe even 10 or 20 inches! And the suburbs might get two feet! The snow was supposed to start overnight, depositing the first inch or two, and then continue to snow all day Wednesday which would lead to the big accumulations. I woke up Wednesday to almost all schools and business having closed, including mine. Even though there was only a dusting, I was reassured that the weather reports indicated a slow start, but it would happen! Any minute now! Conditions would deteriorate rapidly! Don’t forget to check in on your elderly neighbors!

Given the build up, I guess you can see where this is going. No snow. It was just too warm for the snow to stick, and eventually even the snow gave up and switched over to rain.

Someone posted this picture to a local weather blog. It’s a couple of kids trying to sled on a snowless hill.

No Snow

When I saw it, my heart broke in a million pieces. Those poor kids had been told by everyone they trusted (parents, teachers, the weatherman) that they were getting snow. Older siblings talked up the wonder of snow angels and snow ice cream. Friends with half recalled memories bragged about the snowmen they built, and predicted how many days they would get off school. They just KNEW it was going to happen, and they couldn’t wait! And then, when it didn’t happen they way it was supposed to, they fought through their disappointment and went sledding anyway, goddamn it. Which is about the saddest thing in the world to me. They wanted it so badly they would do anything to keep the illusionary hope alive.

Alright, we’re not really talking about snow anymore. But you knew that, right?


*Not a picture of my own test. I stole this from the internet because I forgot to take a picture of mine this morning. The way I stole the above picture of the kids sledding from a weather blog. My fertility sucks and I don’t credit images from google properly. Out of fucks to give.